I’ve had cats all my life. Nearly all of them have been really friendly - wanting to sit in my lap, be held, very affectionate.

This is contrary to what a lot of people say about cats, which leads me to the belief (on probabilities alone) that I’ve been able to treat cats in a way that turns them into friendlier versions of themselves than they might otherwise be.

With that, here’s how I think you make a friendly cat.

There’s really one thing to understand about cats - they’re trust machines. Everything they do is built on trust, and if you violate it, they won’t tolerate it.

Remember, cats were once in the wild. They were hunted by bigger things. That means that as a cat, you have to be suspicious of everything. And sure, while domesticated cats haven’t directly known that life, it’s still down in the DNA controlling them at a subconscious level (or hell, conscious? I don’t know what my cats are thinking, so I’m not sure). So, trust is paramount. It’s all that matters.

Now, imagine that you’re a cat, living in a house with a fucking HUMAN. Something 10 times your size. Terrifying. How in the world is the cat supposed to know you’re not going to immediately hunt it and kill it? It can’t possibly know that, so it starts being very, very suspicious of you. Unless you build trust, it will always be suspicious of you.

So, how do you build trust with a cat?

Pretty simple really - don’t do shit it doesn’t want you to do. Just like how people build trust with you. If people you meet do shit that you don’t want them to do, you don’t trust them. Don’t blame cats, they’re just being logical.

Cats are independent creatures. They aren’t like dogs, which just live for you. Cats live for themselves, alongside you. If that makes you feel sad because you need more reassurance than that, then cats aren’t for you.

Some things you can do (or not do) to make a cat trust you, and ultimately, be more friendly:

• Don’t hold it when it doesn’t want to be held. If it wants down, let it go. Otherwise, it can’t trust that one of these times, it won’t be able to get away, and you’ll kill it. If it wants away, let it go.
• Play with it! Get a string, and drag it in front of the cat. It should eventually pounce on it. Fun! If that doesn’t work, get one of those flexible wants that has the ribbon on it and wave it in the air. Remember! Cats are predators - make it look like prey (a bird, or a bug).
• Don’t chase it. Again, you’re a predator, it’s prey. Scary; brings back memories it didn’t realize it had because of the aforementioned DNA. You don’t trust things that chase you generally.
• Be patient. Cats take awhile to build trust, and by now, you should have a good grasp on why.

Cats are stunningly simple, and remarkably affectionate and friendly animals. They’re incredible companions, and can give you a relationship that is super fulfilling. Just RTFM, and you’ll have a friendly cat.